I’ve heard your pleas: it is that time
To, yes, revive my feast of rhyme
Please pray that somehow I surmount
This heap of names: a brutal count
It puts me in a poet’s haze
To make it through the holidays
And keep myself all hale and hearty
Assembling fast our Christmas party
So rest me now my list of plaints
And praise our actors (some are saints)


Begin with Mister Al Corduner
Who colonels us through daily tuner
Attended by the wondrous Linda
In Scottish “Wicked” she’d be Glinda
Accompanied in nightly prance
By friends of Rudolph: Chris and Lance
And joining them in fife-filled rounds
Are Kate and Justin: joy abounds
Give thanks to all who nightly muck it
With Jenn Rae, Lisa: the red bucket
Would not exist without their lift
Give extra grog to both them: swift!
Right here a pause for now-fled Hannukkah
And candle lighters Ambrose, Donica
And who keeps all the trimmings green?
Minami, Kerstin, Jill, Shereen


Employ your tenor, set the tone:
I’m talking of that guy Faison
Let’s twirl a hornpipe, dance a jig
For dear departed Roach and Rigg
Neglect us not carousers zesty:
I mean Lee Zarrett and Ms. Estey
We welcome all: meat-loving, vegan
Matt Wall, Blair Ross, John Treacy Egan
And Cameron, Sasha, Liz, and Joe
Are comrades through the sleet and snow
For all emotions, soup to nuts
A bar, a church: N. Leo Butz!
Support all times from nimble trouper
I speak of course of Adam Grupper
And for the Smiths: Paul Slade, Christine
Spread sprigs of aromatic green


Sopranos gorgeous, high, descant-y:
Sing “Silent Night” with Ms. Benanti
JoAnna, Manu, add your voices
Cuz all the world with you rejoices
Samantha brings bright Sturm and clang
To fete the season with a bang
To have a ball and do some chillin’
Kick back with snacks and Keven Quillon
To Michael Williams: greetings, mate!
You still got hope for Golden State?
With other Michael, deck some Halling
I hear some partridges a’calling
Rebecca, Mark, and S. T. Gray
Will lead us on our scented way
With heaps of presents – bundles! lots!
For bride-to-be, Ms. Heather Botts
With Becca, Justin, Barbara Jo
Big kisses ‘neath the mistletoe


A cheer, a shout, a grand huzzah
For Beaumont’s former Blanche DuBois
She’s on that stage right now to cheer us
That’s Mrs. Higgins: our Miss Harris
Hey, Michael X. and Rommel P.
Please save some hot, mulled wine for me
Arise! Peal forth! Hosannas! Sing!
Our Shepard watches M. C. King
Geoff, have a dram of Christmas sherry
With Hadden-Paton: Mister Harry!
(These rhymes, they make me muy loco
I’ll brb but first spiked cocoa)


I’ve now returned. Let’s make it rain
On actors in that play re: brain
Hey, Eshan, make our neurons fire
While Robert fixes tree-lights wire
To set the Yuletide fir aflame
While Addy puzzles with that game
Of prisoners and their stark choice
Olivia, please lend your voice
To those of Kiran, Grollman, Pace
As they attempt to save a place
For Katie Beth and Chris O’Shea
At table set for Christmas Day
And Handley, Summers, Japh: sit tight
While food’s arranged for Christmas night
Please hark, O.H. and J.P.D.
Save blazing Yorkshire pudd for me!
For Baylen, Karoline, and Jon
On Christmas Eve and Christmas dawn
The sound of drum and flute and gong
Announce the coming of Kim Wong


Make regal entrance through the vom
With Jack O’Brien and Sir Tom
While David, Jeremiah, Chris
All conjure up some added bliss
I hope this guy will soon stop by:
Please trim my tree, o’ Michael Y.
Ex-Zuber-ant our Catherine is
And ditto Salzberg, Schall: pop! fizz!
Extraordinary Donald Holder
Somehow he never quite grows older
Explore the essence, find the pith
Buff up the accent with Liz Smith
Our revels will be even brighter
If Andre Bishop dons his mitre
And joining him in the procession
Are Adam, Hattie: what expression!
(Another break, another snooze
I’m fading fast from all this booze)


Hey, toot the fife and strike the lyra
And twinkle sounds for Anne and Ira
Hard blast the horn and ring the bell
For Rachel Norton, Clarke Thorell
No time for rest, no time for doss
Make loads of mirth with L. M. Ross
Serve punches hot with polished sterling
With Philip, Jess, and Mister Sperling
Refill that jiggly bowl of jelly
For David Brown and Chris Gattelli
Whip sweet meringue and caramel fudge
For Kati, Evan, Loeffler, Judge
(To shake yourself from sugar coma
Sit down and watch the sweet-free “Roma”)
In need of actors to give glee?
Then hit up casting: Hickman, Swee
To fix the set for folderol:
Depend on expert Master Paul
With Lopez, Haskell, Mosher, Kaus,
Bring blessings ample on our house
For pungent scents like frank and myrhh
Invite our chief: King Bartlett Sher
Include as well the Queen of Sheba
And Matthew Markoff, Esau, Rheba
Plus Andrus, Stevens, stage door’s Peter
Please buzz us in but keep the meter
Turn party into giant studio
Sing festive carols then “Sussudio!”
Though when it comes to real big show
Phil Collins can’t match Lerner, Loewe

Apologies, I’m oft benighted
To any person I have slighted
I’ve been distracted by the news
By all the bile that sputters, spews
While our loud party freely rages
Some children have been stuck in cages
While don we now our gay apparel
In warzones people are in peril
We humans can be bitter, hateful
I see a sole corrective: grateful
For what the year to us has given 
Use riches to repair what’s riven
Take up the task, our duty calls
Erect more bridges not more walls
So jolly hols, I’m late can’t tarry
I’ve got a date with Poppins, Mary!

 

Brendan Lemon is the editor of lemonwade.com