So this is my blog, and this is an important part of marketing, I am told.

I could tell you what it feels like to "go to work" at Lincoln Center Theater every day and how important I feel, but I know that nobody wants to hear about that. So I'll let you in on some of the problems we're facing in this production, because I know that people like to hear about other people's problems, and maybe you'll keep reading this blog if it feeds into your secret desire to see us fail.

Day one. 

The first day of rehearsal and already everything is a disaster! There was supposed to be some bagels and fruit sent down for our cast but it accidentally went to the cast of A Free Man of Color! So we didn't have any bagels for the first hour! And then later I saw Mos Def in the hall and he had a bit of cream cheese on his face! So I guess he ate one of the bagels that were supposed to be for us! 

We started the day with speeches and presentations by the designers. I liked what the designers presented but I'm not sure Gabriel Berry likes me! Plus, there was a really awkward moment during David Brimmer's presentation. He was explaining that the play actually is historically accurate in that the upper classes did perform violent atrocities on the lower classes at that time. He started talking about the "hell-fire club" which was a group of gentlemen who would go find prostitutes and arrange razors around their mouth, and then punch them. And then he pantomimed punching a prostitute! It was incredibly awkward! One the marketing people looked at her shoes. And Bernie Gersten had this look on his face like "here we go again." Also, I've never even heard of this club, and I'm supposed to know things, supposedly, because I'm the supposed writer. What if David's trying to show everyone that I'm a fraud! And why was he so good at pantomiming that!? Am I the only one in Lincoln Center Theater not part of the hellfire club? 

Day two. 

Ugh! Another horrible day! These actors are HORRIBLE! I don't know how this can possibly work. I hate everyone in the cast. Especially Steve Boyer. It's a good thing we're rehearsing in the basement because otherwise I would throw him out a window. 

Day three. 

Blegh! So mad I can't even talk about it. Sam Gold better get his shit together or this is going to be THE BIGGEST DISASTER anyone has ever seen. C-R-A-P. 

Day four. 

Being at rehearsal is SO BORING. Everybody is highly stressed out, and there was a lot of screaming today, and it's STILL BORING.

Day five. 

Nobody came to rehearsal today except Steve Boyer. Perfect.

(Nick Jones is the author of THE COWARD.)